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06-02-2021, 03:54 PM
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave the house.
It?s weird being the same age as old people.
Life is like a helicopter. I don't know how to operate a helicopter.
Chocolate is God's way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
It's probably my age that tricks people into thinking I'm an adult.
Marriage Counselor: "Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that true"?
Him: "To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers."
My wife asked me to take her to one of those restaurants where they make the food right in front of you. So I took her to Subway and that's how the fight started.
During the middle ages they celebrated the end of the plague with wine and orgies. Does anyone know if there is anything planned when this one ends?
I see people about my age mountain climbing; I feel good getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.
We can all agree that in 2017 not a single person got the answer correct to, "Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?"
So if a cow doesn't produce milk, is it a milk dud or an udder failure?
If you can't think of a word say "I forgot the English word for it." That way people will think you're bilingual instead of an idiot.
I'm at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out.
I'm at that age where my mind still thinks I'm 29, my humor suggests I'm 12, while my body mostly keeps asking if I'm sure I'm not dead yet.
Don't be worried about your smartphone or TV spying on you. Your vacuum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for years.
I'm getting tired of being part of a major historical event.
I don't always go the extra mile, but when I do it's because I missed my exit.
You don't realize how old you are until you sit on the floor and then try to get back up.
We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
This is the day dogs have been waiting for. They realize their owners can?t leave the house and they get them 24/7. Dogs are rejoicing everywhere. Cats are contemplating suicide.
If you are trying to impress me with your vehicle it better be a food truck.
It?s weird being the same age as old people.
Life is like a helicopter. I don't know how to operate a helicopter.
Chocolate is God's way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
It's probably my age that tricks people into thinking I'm an adult.
Marriage Counselor: "Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that true"?
Him: "To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers."
My wife asked me to take her to one of those restaurants where they make the food right in front of you. So I took her to Subway and that's how the fight started.
During the middle ages they celebrated the end of the plague with wine and orgies. Does anyone know if there is anything planned when this one ends?
I see people about my age mountain climbing; I feel good getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.
We can all agree that in 2017 not a single person got the answer correct to, "Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?"
So if a cow doesn't produce milk, is it a milk dud or an udder failure?
If you can't think of a word say "I forgot the English word for it." That way people will think you're bilingual instead of an idiot.
I'm at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out.
I'm at that age where my mind still thinks I'm 29, my humor suggests I'm 12, while my body mostly keeps asking if I'm sure I'm not dead yet.
Don't be worried about your smartphone or TV spying on you. Your vacuum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for years.
I'm getting tired of being part of a major historical event.
I don't always go the extra mile, but when I do it's because I missed my exit.
You don't realize how old you are until you sit on the floor and then try to get back up.
We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
This is the day dogs have been waiting for. They realize their owners can?t leave the house and they get them 24/7. Dogs are rejoicing everywhere. Cats are contemplating suicide.
If you are trying to impress me with your vehicle it better be a food truck.
